Bad things.

In your life, I can guarantee lots of bad things will happen. A lot. Whether you deserve them or not. They're going to happen.

There is something you can learn from everything. The good times and the bad times. Just like before, in order for good to exist, so does evil. In order for good things to be classed as 'good' there has to be a 'non-good'. If we don't have the 'non-good/bad' we don't really appreciate the good and that's a big deal.

The slightest good things should always outweigh the worst bad things. The amount of good things that happen to you every day that you don't realize is ridiculous. You NEED to take pleasure in the small things to survive in this world. Waking up, knowing you can get out of bed without help, BIG DEAL.
You just got out of bed, that means you have a bed, BIG DEAL. You have a bed, fair chance it's inside a house, that means you have a house, BIG DEAL. You woke up, that means you can afford either an alarm clock or a phone, BIG DEAL. Your phone didn't die overnight because you charged it, you have electricity, BIG DEAL.

You have only just opened your eyes, not even moved a muscle yet and 5 good things have already happened around you. FIVE! And your day hasn't even begun yet. In the next lets say, one hour most of these things will happen to.
You will have breakfast, shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, put on clothes, put on shoes, put on sunnies, listen to music, get in your car, use fuel, use electricity. That is only the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. It's been one hour and we're at a very rough total of 17 good things. Surely you cannot have a bad day, look at how much good surrounds you!

My sister is a patisserie chef. She loves baking cakes, muffins and all those sorts of delicious things. She said to me once, in relation to this topic, "When I wake up in the morning, go into the kitchen and open the fridge and there's a cake, I'm like 'Fuck yeh, it's gunna be a good day'" That's not to say if there isn't a cake she'll have a bad day, it just goes to show how you can take pleasure in the smallest and simplest things. It is absolutely essential to lead a happy life and she is proof because she is one of the most optimistic, happiest and positive people I have ever met in my life. She is a constant reminder to me to take joy from the little things.

You know what I really hate? Spoiled kids. Kids that have been given everything their entire life and have no appreciation for anything. When they want something, they get it. When something goes wrong, daddy fixes it. Don't get me wrong, it shows a massive love from parents to child but the amount it cripples them in the real world is catastrophic. When bad things happen or they do something wrong and there is no consequence or make-up for error. How do you ever learn? You never learn to appreciate the things that are important. Common things are simply not good enough. As terrible as it will sound, bad things need to happen to these kids and usually something does. Something that makes them question everything and realize how simple, quickly and easily things are lost. Even life. I think there are large defining moments in everyones life. I think for people like this, the moment they are taught to question EVERYTHING, their life changes forever. In a good way.

From all the bad things that happen, in order to move on you NEED to draw a positive from them. If you fail to see even the tinest positive, there is something wrong and you are far too cynical. I'm going to give you an example from my own life. I dated this girl, Chloe. For almost a year. Within that year, I managed to push away and fight with all my friends, disconnect from my family, become drastically unhappy, life a false life and donate absolutely everything, every ounce of attention, every cent and every shred of dignity I had to her. In a year I changed completely from who I was, I look back now and I absolutely detest and hate myself for who I was. I treated everyone around me like shit, did some bad things and was everything I didn't want to be. When it all finally came to an end, it almost killed me. It almost killed her too. I had taken a girl with a lot of issues, torments and bad life experiences and tried to 'fix' her without knowing. I had achieved my unknown goal, somewhat. Unfortunately along the way I had lost myself quite deeply. Somewhere in amongst all the fights, lies and unhappiness was the person I used to be. He was dead. He was long dead with no chance of revival. As you do with most break-ups, I sat at home and decided to be depressed. For a while.

I am incredibly lucky in life. I have managed to be born into the most incredible and amazing family. The love and support I received from them, was beyond incredible. I made good friend decisions in life, so the mates I surround myself with are just as incredible and fantastic. After many break downs, spilling everything to my parents, nights spent at the river talking with a mate, going out on boys nights, seeing my best girl friend and being given the right advice I got better. I didn't recover who I was. I wasn't the same person anymore. I like to think I went through the shit and somehow I managed to come out on top. With a new outlook on life and appreciation for everything. The best thing was a new happiness and an inability for sadness.


I went through a stage where I told myself I hated her. That she ruined my life. That she had killed who I was as a person. That I would never be the same again and I'm not. I'm better. I don't know if our relationship helped her at all. But strangely enough at the end of all of it, I'm glad it happened. I am glad I spent a year like that. I am glad I had a really really shit time and a really bad experience. I look at it as, if it hadn't happened I wouldn't be who I am now, doing what I do now, knowing who I know now. So I guess the right thing to say is, thankyou. It's a weird thing to say to an ex-girlfriend but I truly mean it when I say thankyou. The things I have learned, the person I have become is all thanks to you and I owe you that much.



So that's my story. I know you've got your own. Nothing is a bad experience, nothing is pointless. Everything has a purpose, meaning or maybe just something to teach you to grow. Never ever look back on something as 'bad'. Consider it a 'growing period' until you could come out better afterwards. Take happiness from the smallest things, there is millions. When you find something big that gives you plenty of happiness. Cling to it, never let it go. These things are beyond priceless.

The Eternal 'What If'

With every decision you make in your life, there is the always lingering, always nagging, always second-guessing 'what if',
When you choose option A, what if option B was better?
When you go left, what if you went right?
When you eat this, what if you ate that?
When you pick her, what if you picked her?
When you drive this, what if you drove that?
When you say no, what if you said yes?
When you went to maccas, what if you went to hungry jacks?
When you watched star wars categorically, what if you watched them by year of release date?


My point is, EVERY decision had a 'what if'. Even the tiny ones, if there's a yes, then there is always a no. It's like in order for there to be good, there has to be evil. Not trying to say the 'what if' is evil, it's a good thing actually. The beauty of 'what if' is it keeps your head thinking, considering, planning, plotting, deciding. When you do something that you have no choice in, it's not scary, it's not fun.
This is what you are doing. Do it. Your response is: Ok.
or, consider..
You can do this, OR you can do THIS!
Your response: This! No this! Wait, maybe this! Or perhaps this!
Your mind is now in mass overload trying to decide the better decision. Trying to work out all possible ends and outcomes from both decisions. Trying to work out which is going to better you in the long or short run. Weighing up advantages to disadvantages, pro's to con's, benefits to hindrances. After all of this thought and re-thought, you still haven't decided. In a single second, your mind re-runs this process about 5.8 billion times and then plays eney, meeney, miney, mo. We like to think we control the decisions we make, but we really don't.


There is so many parts of us that all take a share in our decision and pre-thought process. You, start making a decision, just you. A party in a big empty house. Then people slowly start rocking up to your party. Indecisiveness stands by the bar, trying to decide between a vodka martini and a scotch. Rationality arrives in his best suit and takes a seat to the side of the dance floor. Pro turns up, with a very drunken unable to stand con hanging off his arm. Prioritization turns up to DJ and starts playing songs alphabetically by artist last name. Sex drive arrives, in her brand new supre dress that doesn't leave much to the imagination. Impulsiveness throws open the door, grabs a scotch and heads straight to the dance floor with sex drive. So you've now got this rocking, mental party going on in your mind.

Did you invite any of these people? No.
Is it all necessary they be there? Yes.
Are they all going to get smashed, have a massive fight and whoever is left standing at the end wins? No. There's still more to come.

Happy 'What If' party!  All the thoughts and ideas that run through your mind when making a decision have turned up, just for you! Except one. So let's take an example decision. You are walking through a spooky forest at night. You look down at your watch, it reads ten minutes to midnight. You see a glowing light off in the distance. You wonder what if could be, should you go after it? No, you decide. (You win this round, rationality) But suddenly you stop yourself. A question has occurred to you. What if you didn't go home and you did chase the light? What if?

That is the one question that fucks with your head. The worst part is it's not one question, it's a doorway to millions of questions and possibilities. This is why, so often impulsiveness then takes over from rationality. Because of 'what if'! If you hadn't asked yourself that silly, silly question you would be on your way home, not wondering if there is wolves on your walk to this light, or what awaits you at the light, or if there is someone by the light, or if it is a light at a house. ANY POSSIBILITY, excites you. Once the 'what if' question is asked, you are now on an adventure. However insignificant or not, you're on one. Whether you want to be or not, you are son.

I'm sure by this point you are starting to realize all the things you hadn't beforehand and you now hate me for. BUT 'what if' is good. It keeps you alive, on your toes, on a cliff face, on the side of a volcano, naked, upside down and you have no idea why the fuck. But WHAT IF YOU HADN'T! Life's decision are not always easy. They're not supposed to be. Life without challenge, is hardly life. You don't grow, change or gain anything. Adding 'what if' makes it even harder and I LOVE that.

I don't care what situation you're in. Whether you are trying to decide over,
A job,
A car,
A girl,
A house,
Breakfast,
Your favourite colour,
What to get your mum for mother's day,
Whether or not your should spend your weekend doing your maths assignment full well knowing you will be up all hours of the night before cursing yourself for not doing it.

It doesn't matter! Add 'what if' to it. It sucks! And that's awesome! At the end of the day whatever decision you make 'what if' is all bullshit and all fake.

You only get one shot at this life, so once you have made your decision FORGET 'what if'. If you consider and wonder afterwards, you are going to kill yourself. Imagining all the fucks-ups you could never have made, the people you could have not pissed off, the girls you could have won over, the car you might not have crashed. These are bad thoughts. Whether you believe in fate or not, there is a reason you made the decision you made. People are often irrational, but never entirely. Even if you don't know it, there is a reason you chose what you did. Maybe your house burned down because otherwise you never would have moved to europe two years later. Maybe she said no to marrying you so you could meet your dream girl a couple of years later. Maybe you missed that bus, because you were meant to meet that person on the bus. WHO KNOWS! I don't, but I can assure you that there is a reason for every decision you make. Life is not a random gathering of people, doing random things in random ways in random places. Somehow, somewhere there is a plan. However loose or unscripted this plan is. It's there. Things happen for a reason, believe it. It makes the painful decisions a lot easier.

Swap-want

The things you want in life, in your own mind, sometimes manage to outweigh the things you need. If you set your mind to believing that you want something badly enough you will believe you need it. Need it more than the things you actually do need. You meet a girl, you hang out, you stay up the whole night talking and you know that you've got to be up at 5:30 for work but for some strange reason you feel compelled to stay up with this girl. You tell yourself sleep is not important, that you don't need it. Right now you NEED to stay up and hang out with this girl. Who knows you might not get tomorrow.

This is a feeling. A feeling that we do not have a name for. The feeling of wanting something so badly you swap your wants for needs and your needs for wants. This feeling is now known as swap-want.

Swap-want usually occurs in a situation of mass desire. When you want something so so so badly. You can only trick your mind that badly if you want something that badly. If swap-want occurs it is usually a good thing and you should probably just roll with it. It shows exactly how badly you want something and what you are willing to do for it. Ditching a 'need' for a 'want' is a big deal. When you hit the swap-want level just give up fighting yourself right there, you've already lost the battle. The next day/morning/hour later/week later/ whatever you are either going to think one of two things.

A. Your swap-want was good. The missing and unattended to 'need' is fine and you'll recover eventually and the converted 'want' is now a need or will forever manifest itself in your mind as if it was a need.

B. The swap-want was bad. You are angry at yourself for letting you be so stupid as to get tricked by you. The former need is now an ever bigger need and the want is now not even worth thinking about because you've lost that much time over it already.

Whatever the outcome, the swap-want won. Congratulations, sir.
Swap-want - 1 You - 0
Actually I'm fairy sure it would have a much higher score than 1 but whatever. The point is that it wins every time. Good outcome, bad outcome, it is always the outcome.

You need swap-wants though. They keep your life interesting, keep you doing crazy things, get you away from the normal every day shit and doing something different from what you would normally do and that's good!


In all honesty, you've probably never even noticed swap-wants before because you don't over-analyze absolutely everything however significant or insignificant in your daily life like I do. The next time you do though, you will notice and be like 'holy cow, that prick was right' and we all know how much I love to be right. If you ever find yourself asking yourself 'do I really want something? Am I really willing to fight for this? Would I make sacrifices for this?' then look back and think if you've ever done a swap-want for it. If you have, then there's your answer, you want it and you want it bad. You sacrificed a legitimate need-to-live-need for something that you at the time thought you just 'wanted'. We both now know that you more than just wanted it.


Swap-want is really just a need in disguise. You just don't know you need it yet.

Lessons.

So it's 2012 and what have I learned? Well, a lot.


Life.
I can't comment on your life. I can't tell you how good or bad it is. I can give you my opinion and that's it. Life is what you make it out to be.
If you want to be something, be it.
If you want to do something, do it.
If you want to find something, find it.
If you want to change something, change it.
It's really that simple. You can argue all you want that life is hard and it's fucked and I can't be bothered. But that's all bullshit. If you're reading this, chances are you have a computer. If you've got a computer you're doing pretty bloody well compared to people in third world countries. Whenever life get's you down you have to remember that your life could always be worse. Whatever is happening to you right now that's so bad, could be 100 times worse. So be grateful that it isn't that way and that it's only as bad as it is.

I cut my foot, oh shit. I cut my foot off, OH SHIT.

I don't necessarily know you or anything about you for that matter but I can promise you that you have a good life. You have people that love you immensely and people that are interested by you and want to get to know you. You are never truly alone in this life. You are only alone if you force yourself to be. If you choose to deliberately push everyone around you, then that's the only time you will ever be alone. Try and avoid doing that.


Sorry.
I have said 'sorry' more times in 2011 then I ever have in my entire life previously. Did I stuff up a lot?
Yeh, probably.
Do people push to hard and make you give in for things you didn't really do?
Yeh, probably.
The thing here is that it doesn't matter how many times you say sorry, if you want to make something better you'll say it as many times as you have to. If you don't care and you want to lose people, then you won't bother. If you're on the other end of things, you need to say 'It's ok, don't worry about it'. Every time. Every freaking time. You know why?

Because this life is so short and so precious that we don't have time to hate, to hold grudges, to have fights, to argue and bicker and be unhappy. You only have time to laugh, love and be happy. Everything else is your choice.

Why be angry at someone when you can get over it and be happy instead? Yes, they fucked up. But as if you haven't? Just as many times, if not more than them. That's not fair. Forget and let live. Move past things that are not important, that are not worth your time. Get on with your life.


You.
I have learnt the hard way that sometimes you have to do things for you. You have to ignore people and do what's right for you. If you're anything like me, you like to help people. It is so mentally hard to try and ignore someone else’s feelings to put yours first. If someone is clinging to you and using you for all your amazing qualities and giving nothing back, they are drowning you. You need to keep your head above water. You can't forget how you feel and let someone drown you. Once you drown, it's freaking hard to try and surface again. I'm not saying stuff everyone else, do what you have to do. I'm trying to say you can't give everything to everyone and you need to accept that. When you NEED to take time for you, or do something for you then that's what you do. If you're in a relationship that's killing you, then you need to let go. You can't be everything for someone. No matter how hard you try or how much you do. You will never be someone’s everything.


Fix.
I like to invent things and fix things, it's in my nature. You sometimes have to realize though that you can't always fix things. Some things are just too far gone or just broken, perhaps they need more than your knowledge to fix them, perhaps they are just irreparable. You need to learn when to stop and give up wasting time trying to fix things that are not your job or that are out of your power. I bet you are an amazing person and you have a million amazing qualities but you are restricted just like everyone else. Sometimes you need other people to help you. You don't have to do everything on your own, or by yourself. You can call on help and fix things together. Just like with a relationship, you can't be in it to fix someone. You're not doing them any favors, you're making them dependant on you. When you think you've fixed them and you try to leave, you'll only make things worse. All you can do is pray that all the things you did for them, they remember and take away with them into their life. That they try to grow up and they try to use the knowledge you gave them.


Exception.
Always, always, always be the exception to the rule. Do not be afraid to be different. Never do something just because or because everyone else did it or it's just the done thing. Fuck that. Do what you want in life. Never worry about what other people think. You are your own person and you need to be happy with yourself before other people will like you. If you pretend to be something or someone you're not then people won't really like you for who YOU are. They'll like you for how good of an actor you are instead. They will never truly know the real you and if you do it long enough you'll even forget who that is. Never lose sight of yourself or of what you want. Life is an amazing gift, better than anything else you will ever be given. Make good use of the best present you will ever get.



Take a risk.
Do things for yourself.
Apologize.
Accept.
Move forward.
Give up.
Don't give up.
Don't stop living.
Be yourself.
And always, without a doubt, undoubtedly, undeniably, unquestionably, indisputably, constantly,
Love.